A Jack of all trades

I consider myself a great generalist . . . Jack of all trades . . . master of none type of guy. I believe I’m well-rounded in that I’ve had the opportunity to experience many things, but unfortunately I’m stuck in a specialist’s world. I’d probably been more successful if I was born 200 years ago when one could dabble in science, philosophy, law, and politics, but I’m grateful for the comforts of the 21st Century. I am an expert, however, in one area . . . the harm that my children have experienced over the past year. I have an unique perspective as I have a child in elementary school, another in junior high, one in high school and one at BYU.

In many ways, I feel like I am back in the Utah Legislature, where I’d often hear . . . “It’s for the children” . . . but strangely I was usually voting against the legislation that was supposedly "for the children." I’d looked around the House Chamber and see that I was one of the few that actually had children currently in the education system for which these claims were primarily being made. The most outspoken “for the children” were usually retired teachers of both parties like my liberal Republican friend who went to work for the UEA after he left the legislature. (While I often disagree with the UEA, my kids have had great teachers. I’ve also found that many teachers often disagree with the UEA).

Despite the rhetoric that children are important in Utah, the case can easily be made that never in the handling of a national crisis, have children been thought of less than how we’ve treated them over the past year. Ignore the $6 Trillion in national debt and another $5 Trillion in quantitative easing (a fancy way of saying they will have less purchasing power in the future) that we’ve stuck them with. I’m talking about real physical and psychological harm. Never have we ignored actual “science” more . . . it’s as if children have been an afterthought. For some reason, children have been missing from “it’s for the greater good” conversation.

If the government really were concerned about children, parents would be on the various Covid 19 committees as well as family practitioners of parents and children who have seen the change in many. We’ve ignored the numerous studies that children are low risk for getting Covid and spreading it if they do. Europe opened many of their schools almost a year ago.

We hear pleas for the marginalized . . . “Mourn with those Mourn” . . . and while I’d never claim to have felt marginalized my entire life as others have . . . I have felt marginalized over the past year as my concerns for my children have been summarily dismissed. The mainstream media, the Deseret News, and KSL seem to portray parents who know their children are being harmed as wacky folks who are selfish and don’t know what they are talking about. Yet, if our children are being harmed, we realize how much harm the poorest families who have both parents working in “essential” services who can’t work from home must be experiencing . . . When did such concerns for others become a selfish thought?

Not so long ago, my family was watching “War Games” on TV. In the movie, a young teenager, played by Mathew Broderick, was referred to as an “underachiever” by the FBI as he slacked in school but was able to hack into a military computer. My 12 year-old, who falls apart if he’s not the top of his class (he read the most pages in his school as a 5th grader . . . over 20,000 pages), asked me, “Dad, what’s an underachiever?”

I explained, “It’s someone who’s smart, but for some reason doesn’t do well in school.”

My 11 year old piped in with the pure honesty that only a child can have and said, “Oh, you mean someone like me?”’

I couldn’t help but laugh which I tried to hide, as part of me wanted to cry. School comes relatively easy for my kids except for him. He was born several weeks early and in July so he’s young for his class. Of all my kids, however, I’ve understood myself and some of my idiosyncrasies more through him than others. Like him, I had to learn coping strategies in school. In the days before ADHD, a teacher taught me to move my feet in a pattern under the desk so I could remain in my seat. I learned coping mechanisms for my boredom as I was often looking at the clock 5 minutes after class began. I learned to cram. My son learns with his hands and likes to take things apart. He doesn’t like things on his face and looks for visual cues more than the rest. He’s in a dual immersion language program which was already difficult for him, but especially now that he can’t see his teacher's mouth.

I usually drive my son to school and commonly hear, “Dad, I hate this mask!” I believe his comment is part statement of fact and part hope for some help. His mask bothers him. It distracts him. It robs him of the social clues so crucial for kids to develop.

Somewhere, probably in a child development class at BYU, I remember reading a quote from a religious leader that it's crucial to never break the spirit of a child . . . mold, guide, push, pull, encourage them to do hard things, but never, never break the spirit of a child. We’ve tried to use this model. We’re not overly protective. We allow activities that might break an arm but try to avoid those that could damage the skull. We’ve been able to provide what I thought was a healthy environment for all my children . . . that’s up until now. I’m not saying a perfect environment, as that’s not the goal, just an environment that doesn’t cause permanent harm. But recently, my wife felt it necessary to pull my son from the language portion of his school . . . two months before he would have been done for ever. Admittedly, I have some parental Mormon guilt as I’m ultimately responsible for protecting him and for his learning. We probably could have done more to help him.

Covid 19 restrictions affect parents as well. While I wouldn’t say that I’m broken, I admit that I’ve been cracked. We’re responsible for protecting him and yet feel inept.

Nelson Mandela, Former President of South Africa, has stated:

“There can be no keener revelation of society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.”

As the mask mandates are expiring for the population as a whole, yet continuing for the most vulnerable among us, I’m not quite sure how our soul is doing.